gareeb to mai kal bhi tha aaj bhi hu
fark itnasa hai ki bas kal paiso se tha aaj dil se hun
tum jo tanha chor gayen mujhko
q khudko bhi gareeb bana dala....
aaj mera wajood tere yaado ki kamai se hai
ha teri ruswaine meri zindagi sawari hai""""""

I guess I'll never find out

Ive done something I think I might regret later on, I read today somewhere that "If you continue to live in the past, your life is history". It might be a quote for many but to me it has real life meaning, just reading this one line confused me as to what am I doing.. Is it the right form of love? Or am I just being rigid about not accepting the reality and facing the truth. Is it mere stupidity that I am faced with or is this what true love is all about, not letting go of the one you love. I wish I knew the answer.

If this is called making your life history then what is true love and commitment to only loving that one and only? loving only one person per life and not even thinking about someone else.. I guess ill never find out and just pray that she comes to me one day.. 

I did something today that I might regret later on in life,, I pushed someone away from my life today someone who I couldnt do justice with and all she wanted was to be near and dear to me but does that go against my love? She couldnt take the place of the girl I love the most so I pushed her away from my life.. I know I didnt do the right thing but if I had kept her close to me would that not have been injustice to her? Would it not be jeopardizing her love and infact mocking it? I told her plain and simple that I still cant get over my past.. I dont know if I did the right thing and I guess Ill never find out.

Life goes on

I know you can do a lot better than me because you are more content, more poised and know how to show yourself off to the world but me on the other hand, Im crumbled to pieces, my entire world shattered down upon me the moment I realized what had happened and how none of us tried to put the pieces back together, I guessed a lot of things, interpreted the wrong meanings, thought I was making the right choices, thought I was just looking out for you, thought I was being the better person by letting you go to your free will. You flew away like a caged bird and never came back to thank me, flew to the more beautiful things this world has to offer, found new places, found new people, maybe the ones that were better or maybe the ones that only saw you for who youre not. I on the other hand sit there just looking at the gaping hole where you used to be, where you had nested your home. Maybe I had forced you into being caged, maybe you never really wanted to be here and all this while I was thinking that you and I have met for a reason..

I sit here zoned out from the rest of the world, not knowing a single thing happening around, drowning out the noises of the outer world just so I can hear you calling me.. just calling me once for a change for the sake of the old times, for the times when I mattered one bit to you.. All but a lost cause this is because even though you know this page exists yet you never come to read this. My only prayer now is to drown myself in my own tears and just repent on the mistakes that I made and you endorsed.. A blank page this life has become, no sense of direction, no clue as to where to go from here.. but I guess life goes on... dont know for how much longer but this life goes on....

Maybe

The wounds are apparent and everyone can see it, everyone in the world can notive the pain im going through except for you, everyone around me seems to know that Ive lost a part of myself but you it is you that has turned a blind eye towards me, maybe you are too insensitive to notice or maybe I deserve this. Who knows, I lost hope the moment you didnt make an attempt to mend things, I let go of everything the day you made it clear that I didnt matter in your life.. Maybe I think too much, maybe I didnt truly understand you, maybe I didnt try but what I do know is I did all things to make you the happiest woman in the world and even to this day when I have a hole burning through me, I still have nothing but best wished for you to live and lead a happy life within which you get all the happiness in the world and give all your tears to me... I just wish I knew what I did wrong, maybe I dont know how to love, maybe God had different plans for us.. maybe...

Stars

Tonight when you look up at the stars..
..try and count them all,
I miss you that much..
.
.
When you go to the beach..
..try to count every grain of sand,
I trust you that much..
.
.

When you go in the water..
..try and count each drop of water in the ocean,
I need you that much..
.
.
When your heart beat..
....try and count each and every beat for a day,
I love you that much.... 

 

This doesnt even begin to describe the amount of love I have for you, No one in the world can possibly quantify the amount of love I have for you

the life put to a halt,

The obstacles have come to an end, the life put to a halt,
No one left to feel for
No one left to care
No one to hold my hand
No one to wipe the tears
No one there to smile for
No one to shed my tears with

She let me go when I wanted to hold on
She walked out when I needed her the most
She didnt turn back even one

I was living a lie under my own skin and She told me that I am not what I think I am to her..
She let me leave when I wanted her to call for me. She closed all doors when I wanted her to run to me. All I have left of her now are the sweet memmories, nothing but a small string of hope and tears to bind the past and my present together. I wish I could scream to the world to let everyone know how much I love you.. Just take one step and ill make the world spin around you. Just hold my hand once and Ill save you from the world, Just call me once and Ill come to you whenever you may need me..

Just try,, just try once to make it all go back to the way it was... Please.. Im dying without you :'(

I Dare Again

I thought everything was finished, it had all come to an end and there was no way back for me to rekindle on all the mistakes, look upon the past and try to mend what I broke but seems like the time has taken its toll on me and it has left you unaffected yet again.

I thought we had buried the hatchet and I had done all I could to be the best man I could be but I guess my best just wasnt good enough for you. I left you thinking that I didnt need you and you didnt matter no more but the truth is that each passing day is a testament of my love, with each passing moment I look back at all the memmories we shared together and how beautiful they were and how I would give my life away to live it all again and love you in the right way.

The only wealth left in my life is your love, its the searing pain that I am left with, nothing to put an end to this agony, nothing can fill the void that you have left over me.. I blame myself completely for all that has happened and all that has been done, you had very little to do with it all I guess, all I blame you for is not fighting for the relation, maybe I wasnt important enough, maybe I wasnt the right person. Many have come and gone but the only one to ever leave a mark in my heart is you, just you only, no one can take that space, no one can fill that void, I guess I deserve this, for all that Ive done to you maybe this is the best punishment for me..

I know you never shed a tear for me but I swear not a day goes by when I dont look at you wishing that you would come back to me and try to work things out between us. I still think about you every night, still wait each day for a single message from you.

I know you will never read this, this is me talking to myself trying to convince myself that youll never be back. I have done a lot just to catch a glimpse of you and see how you are doing but to no avail..

I wish I had some other way to tell you, I wish I could talk to you and tell you how I still feel and how youre my one n only.. Life doesnt give second chances and all I can pray now is for your hapiness and I pray to God that you are happy wherever you are smiling beautifully just like you did and living a fulfilling life whereas I have nothing but fond memmories of you to live by.. I think I have enough to last me a lifetime.. If you read this which I know you never will just please know that I never wanted to hurt you never meant to disappoint you Im sorry for all I did and please forgive me if you ever can.. Please get in touch with me even if it for the very last time, my life is nothing without you :(

 

Cant Seem To Let You Go

I dont know why its become so difficult for me.. I Dont know why after knowing all the truth I still cant let go of you.. You are about to be married to someone else, associated with someone else's name yet I cannot accept the truth.. I still try and wish that I can make it work and make you mine forever. I dont know what to do.. All I know is that I cannot bear the sight of you spending the rest of your life with someone else.

I know you dont read this and you might never will but if one day you do come across all this, I hope you realize how much I love you and care for you, How you have been the one and only love of my life.

I watch Her Go

There isnt a thing I can do to stop her, Maybe I dont have the will power or the authority to stop her or bring her back to me. She will be someone else's princess one day, will belong to someone that will love her equally as much and give her all that she wants.

She cant see it now but being forced into this maybe that is what is best for her. What pains me to see is that she is sharing all the problems, all the hurdles with me not having the least bit of idea how much it torments me and tears me apart from the inside.

She is getting married! Not by her will, not by her way, its the choice of her father that has forced her to bow down to his requests and adhere to what he says because according to him he knows what is best for her. Maybe he is right, maybe the one he has selected for her really is the right person for her. What about her choice? I know I am not her choice but that doesnt matter, what about her happines? why does she not get to say a thing about what she wants?

I cannot condole her, I cannot calm her down because there brews a storm within me also ripping apart my world and the dreams that I had. Its not the pain of my shattered dreams that bothers me, its the fact that she did not get the chance to make a choice, she did not get to choose her happiness.

I always wanted to see her in a wedding dress, looking her prettiest but I always imagined her to be standing by my side on her wedding day and taking eternal vows with me of till death do us part. I dont know how ill gather enough courage to watch her go being side by side throughout this whole journey, I dont know how i will watch her go with someone else.. As of now I can already watch her go, away from my life, away from my dreams, away from my reality I watch her go

Youre the only one

You are the only one that is deemed fit for me
You are the only one this heart has ever been afraid of losing
You have no idea how I have spent these past couple of weeks, thinking about you each and every second
I Know ive made a lot of mistakes, I know that what I did was wrong by all means and I beg you for forgiveness
I try each day harder than a day before just to catch a glimpse of you and repent of what I have lost

I know you dont want to see me, I know that Ive hurt you a lot of times, but this heart just wont understand the fact that GOD has different plans.. Baby im sorry, I dont know what I was thinking, the last thing I would want to do is hurt you. Please come back to me, You are all that I have left in this world, my one true love.

If ever in life you come across all this I just want you to know that not a moment goes by that I do not think of you.

Ive always prayed for your happiness, Ive always called you my princess, If doing all this is what makes you happy then Ill live with it just for the sake of your happiness