I guess I'll never find out

Ive done something I think I might regret later on, I read today somewhere that "If you continue to live in the past, your life is history". It might be a quote for many but to me it has real life meaning, just reading this one line confused me as to what am I doing.. Is it the right form of love? Or am I just being rigid about not accepting the reality and facing the truth. Is it mere stupidity that I am faced with or is this what true love is all about, not letting go of the one you love. I wish I knew the answer.

If this is called making your life history then what is true love and commitment to only loving that one and only? loving only one person per life and not even thinking about someone else.. I guess ill never find out and just pray that she comes to me one day.. 

I did something today that I might regret later on in life,, I pushed someone away from my life today someone who I couldnt do justice with and all she wanted was to be near and dear to me but does that go against my love? She couldnt take the place of the girl I love the most so I pushed her away from my life.. I know I didnt do the right thing but if I had kept her close to me would that not have been injustice to her? Would it not be jeopardizing her love and infact mocking it? I told her plain and simple that I still cant get over my past.. I dont know if I did the right thing and I guess Ill never find out.

Life goes on

I know you can do a lot better than me because you are more content, more poised and know how to show yourself off to the world but me on the other hand, Im crumbled to pieces, my entire world shattered down upon me the moment I realized what had happened and how none of us tried to put the pieces back together, I guessed a lot of things, interpreted the wrong meanings, thought I was making the right choices, thought I was just looking out for you, thought I was being the better person by letting you go to your free will. You flew away like a caged bird and never came back to thank me, flew to the more beautiful things this world has to offer, found new places, found new people, maybe the ones that were better or maybe the ones that only saw you for who youre not. I on the other hand sit there just looking at the gaping hole where you used to be, where you had nested your home. Maybe I had forced you into being caged, maybe you never really wanted to be here and all this while I was thinking that you and I have met for a reason..

I sit here zoned out from the rest of the world, not knowing a single thing happening around, drowning out the noises of the outer world just so I can hear you calling me.. just calling me once for a change for the sake of the old times, for the times when I mattered one bit to you.. All but a lost cause this is because even though you know this page exists yet you never come to read this. My only prayer now is to drown myself in my own tears and just repent on the mistakes that I made and you endorsed.. A blank page this life has become, no sense of direction, no clue as to where to go from here.. but I guess life goes on... dont know for how much longer but this life goes on....

Maybe

The wounds are apparent and everyone can see it, everyone in the world can notive the pain im going through except for you, everyone around me seems to know that Ive lost a part of myself but you it is you that has turned a blind eye towards me, maybe you are too insensitive to notice or maybe I deserve this. Who knows, I lost hope the moment you didnt make an attempt to mend things, I let go of everything the day you made it clear that I didnt matter in your life.. Maybe I think too much, maybe I didnt truly understand you, maybe I didnt try but what I do know is I did all things to make you the happiest woman in the world and even to this day when I have a hole burning through me, I still have nothing but best wished for you to live and lead a happy life within which you get all the happiness in the world and give all your tears to me... I just wish I knew what I did wrong, maybe I dont know how to love, maybe God had different plans for us.. maybe...